You're a neurotic coward
Resolution Avoidance
Photo by Tiago Ventura
Introduction
Giganet.io gets a big customer. Will they deliver, slip or fall?
Bob and Alice continue to enjoy their weekly jam sessions at the gym. Bob asks Alice a question. Will their relationship grow or will they crash in the Pacific ocean surf?
Mark coaches Bob on the art of slow-paced relationships.
Giganet
Barry and Iris just closed a big contract with LA County for the Giganet.io SaaS for gig workers hour reporting.
This release of the SaaS will collect attendance directly from gig workers’ Apple watches, parse the data from a contracts module and send a payroll file to the customer payroll system.
Bob, Lena and Yasmin are at the studio apartment facing the beach, talking systems integration and testing.
Iris is observing the conversation.
Iris has gotten used to Lena’s GI Jane look and the contrast with Yasmin, a slim, tall, very beautiful woman. Today Yasmin is wearing a white designer t-shirt, bell-bottom jeans, and pink Mizuno women’s running shoes.
Yasmin, “Bob, we really need a QA person, do we have the budget to hire someone?”.
Iris jumps in, “With this contract, yes. Do you guys have someone you can bring in ASAP?”.
Bob, “No. Let’s put an ad on Craigslist and see what we get”.
Within 4 hours they have 50 replies to the ad for a QA person.
Bob conducts a 5’ status meeting with Lena and Yasmin every morning. He doesn’t like calling it a scrum because he thinks Agile is BS. Every morning at 930 - yesterday, today’s plans, blockers.
Bob, “Let’s cull the best 12 out of the 50 from Craigslist. Let’s divide them up and do phone screens”.
An hour later, Bob, Lena and Yasmin have eliminated 11 out of 12. Justin just graduated from Santa Monica College with an Associate degree in programming with 4.0 GPA. Lena calls him back and asks him to come in for an interview.
The next morning Justin comes in. Justin is age 20, Korean, jet-black hair, dressed in hip-hop streetwear fashion. He rocks a loose-fitting graphic t-shirt paired with low-slung, baggy cargo pants. High-top sneakers complete the look.
He flies through the in-office interview loop with Lena, Yasmin and Bob. They make him an offer and he starts the same day in QA. He fits right in. Justin is not intimidated by anyone except Iris, who seems like a very scary adult person who smokes.
2 weeks later, Yasmin is leading a design review before they start systems integration. Iris is overseeing.
Yasmin has this technique where they go around a circle reading source code. Justin is up to bat. He’s reading Lena’s code but he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. Lena doesn’t indent her C++ code like he was taught in college. It annoys him and makes it impossible to understand the code. He doesn’t want to hurt Lena’s feelings so he just clams up.
Yasmin, “Justin, can you please start reading Lena’s code?” “Uh, I don’t really have any problems here”.
Iris, “Justin?” “Uh, no Ma’am, I don’t really have any problems here”.
Bob, “Lena, do you want to explain the Resolution Avoidance anti-pattern to Justin?”
Lena gives Justin a quick dose of constructive confrontation. She is surprisingly constructive with Justin.
Tuesdays with Alice
The next day, Bob is back in the Venice gym doing circuit training.
It’s Tuesdays with Alice.
What Alice did, she walked into the gym, put her bag into a locker and started on the elliptical machine.
After 45’ she took a break and Bob walked over to join her.
Bob, “Do you like lemonade? The kiosk out front has a good view of the ocean.”
The clouds over the ocean were big and pink. There was no shade and no trees and the kiosk was in the shadow of the building.
They sat at a table in the shade outside the building. It was 95 in the shade.
‘Let’s drink lemonade.’
‘Two ’ Bob said.
‘Big ones?’ a woman asked from the doorway.
‘Yes. Two big ones.’
The woman brought two glasses of lemonade and two paper coasters. She put the coasters and the glasses on the table and looked at the man and the girl. The girl was looking off at clouds over the ocean. They were pink in the sun and the surf was choppy.
They look like pink elephants,’ Alice said.
‘I’ve never seen one,’ Bob drank his lemonade.
‘No, you wouldn’t have, you’re an engineer.’
‘I might have,’ Bob said. ‘Just because you say I wouldn’t have doesn’t prove anything.’
‘You’re making fun of me.’
‘Yes,’ said Alice. ‘I am making fun of you’.
‘Stop it.’
‘You started,’ Alice said. ‘I was amusing myself. I was having a good time.’
‘Well, let’s try and have a good time.’
‘All right. I was trying. I said the clouds looked like pink elephants. Wasn’t that clever?’
‘That was clever.’
Alice looked across at the clouds. ’They’re lovely clouds,’ she said. ‘They don’t really look like pink elephants. The reflection from the sun over the water, makes this pinkish effect’
‘Should we have another glass?’
‘All right.’
The warm wind blew the umbrella over the formica table.
‘The lemonade’s nice and cool,’ Bob said and smiled at Alice.
‘It’s great, Bob,’ Alice said and smiled back at him.
The Resolution Avoidance Anti-Design Pattern
This Anti-design pattern was developed by Jim and Michelle McCarthy in their wonderful book - “Software for your head”. From the book description:
Most people have experienced--at least once in their lives--the incomparable thrill of being part of a great team effort. They can remember the unity of purpose they experienced, the powerful passion that inspired them, and the incredible results they achieved. People who have been on a great team can attest that the difference between being on a team with a shared vision and being on a team without one is the difference between joy and misery.
Software for Your Head: Core Protocols for Creating and Maintaining Shared Vision
Resolution Avoidance happens when you try to guess what someone on your team is thinking without talking to them directly.
When you do this, you usually end up avoiding the real issue.
You avoid confronting problems because you want to prevent conflicts and avoid hurting others or getting hurt yourself.
You might tell yourself that you're being sensitive, but it can actually stem from a fear of facing tough conversations.
You’re just a neurotic coward.
What it looks like
Look for these tell-tale signs of Resolution Avoidance in a team when people:
Avoid saying uncomfortable truths
Delay giving answers
Deflect commitments
Tolerate other team members who take but don’t execute commitments
Let other team members fail instead of helping
Solution
Focus on problems, not people.
How do you do that? With constructive confrontation.
"Constructive confrontation" was first started by Andy Grove, founder and first CEO of Intel. It became part of Intel and Silicon Valley culture.
"Constructive confrontation" requires addressing problems directly, objectively, and in a positive manner.
Have your data and your opinion. Be prepared to get in a conference room with the other person and to argue your opinion, assertively and with data.
Grove’s greatest strength as a manager may have been his ability to confront himself. In the early 1980s, sales of memory chips for minicomputers, Intel’s core business, plunged in the face of competition from Japan. Rather than continue to make incremental change, Grove asked a lieutenant, “If we got kicked out and the board brought in a new CEO, what do you think he would do?”
The answer was to exit the business and begin making microprocessors for the new wave of personal computers. The shift was wrenching, and led to 8,000 employees losing their jobs—but it positioned Intel as the industry’s undisputed leader.
Silicon Valley’s confrontational management style started with Andy Grove
On a park bench in Venice CA
Mark was the one who began.
Bob, “Tell me what’s happening with Alice?”
“Mark, we jam when we’re together, the words just flow”, he said to the tall, lanky bald man.
Mark remained silent as they sat on the park bench.
In front of them there was the green calm of the park.
A man hungry for an answer, must stock up on patience.
A man in possession of analytical skills needs to listen. That is why Mark remained silent.
Mark listened carefully to Bob's story.
Mark, “You love this woman?” Bob, “Yes”.
Mark, “Your system state is Resolution Avoidance, and you’re a neurotic coward man.
But - this is not a software engineering team.
The two of you are afraid of getting hurt.
Go very slowly.
There are no problems to solve here.”