It’s a ugly piece of shit
Toxic Tolerance
Photo by Davide Baraldi
I send this email weekly. If you would also like to receive it, join other smart people who absolutely love Bob and Alice today.
👉 If you enjoy reading this post, feel free to share it with friends! Or feel free to click the ❤️ button on this post so more people can discover anti-design patterns in life, love and tech on Substack 🙏
Introduction
We introduce a new anti-design pattern - Toxic Tolerance.
Sparks fly in the Giganet team.
Alice does her Doris Day impression.
Venice, CA
Barry and Bob are out on a sales call. Bob does the demo, answers technical questions and Barry tells the story how Giganet.io collects data from gig worker watches, prepares state-compliant paychecks and transfers the money. How Smooth it is and how Much Money the Customer will Save Every Month.
Lena and Yasmin are at the studio apartment facing the beach, working on the software for gig workers hour reporting.
Iris sits with the 2 younger women, wearing reading glasses in order to see the new screens for contract management. Iris had written the specifications herself, and had outsourced the contracts front-end to a 5-star rated contractor, Yuriy she found on Upwork. Iris was proud of the great hourly rate she had negotiated with the contractor.
Iris, “I think it looks really great”.
Lena, “It’s a ugly piece of shit. Yuriy made a completely different look-and-feel from the rest of our beautiful application. The typography is different, the fonts are huge, the navigation is across the top bar instead of our standard left side-bar. He didn’t bother to use our style guide. He uses strange-looking buttons to add and edit line items to a contract. It’s ugly and your customers will hate it. He must have had some old Angular 1.0 code and reused it. That’s why you got such a good deal.”
Your customers. Not her customers.
Iris turns to Yasmin.
Iris looks at Yasmin - seeing a slim, tall, very beautiful woman.
Wearing a beige designer t-shirt, expensive-looking designer jeans, and Mizuno women’s running shoes. Fluid movement like a professional athlete. Long, manicured purple nails.
Iris thinks that Yasmin doesn’t fit a geek template, but keeps that thought to herself.
Iris, “What do you think Yasmin?”
“What do I know? I work on the communications protocols with the watches and the Kafka event queues. I don’t understand anything about the aesthetics of UX.
It does kind of look a lot different than the rest of the app”.
Lena is normally a brunette with ice-clear green eyes. Yesterday, she had her hair bleached blonde and cut very short. Going for a more edgy version of G.I. Jane.
Lena, “You should talk to Yuriy and tell him that he must use our style guide. He should rewrite his code and not charge you a dime”.
Iris, “Lena, we need to think about time-to-market.Besides, the contracts interface is used by payroll staff, it’s not the same users. I don’t know if it matters”.
Lena, “You can do whatever you want, I don’t care”.
Iris is used to Lena by now. She wants to lighten things up a bit.
Iris, “Yasmin, I love your outfit, where did you get it?”
Yasmin, “L’Agence on Rodeo. My parents want me to get married. I’m dating a rich Persian dude and he likes spending money on me.”
Bob and Alice
The next day, Bob is back in the Venice gym doing circuit training.
It’s Tuesdays with Alice.
What Alice did, she walked into the gym, put her bag into a locker and started on the elliptical machine.
After 45’ she took a water break and Bob walked over to join her.
Alice went to the movies once a week to see old Hollywood films and told Bob, leaning back in a vaguely posed kind of way, that her favorite actor was Kirk Douglas. Bob asked her if that was her Marilyn Monroe impression from "The Last Sunset”. She him he had a keen eye; but was he sure it wasn’t Doris Day playing Jo Jordan from “Young Man with a Horn”?
Bob came right back with - “Did you know that the piano player in the movie was played by Hoagy Carmichael?”
Alice, “Then you know that Rick's dedication to his music led him to neglect his personal relationships, including his romantic involvement with Jo”.
Bob, “Just a movie, not real life”.
Alice, “Real life can suck, Bob, I have to roll, walk me to my car”.
Alice gets into the car and the conversation doesn’t want to seem to stop.
Alice, “You know, I feel victimized by life”.
Bob was not familiar with the concept of victimization. So he kind of gently felt his way around what Alice had just said, and asked - “What does that mean?”
Alice, “It means, I’m always at the short end of the stick with my kids and my ex. Listen, I have to roll”.
The Toxic Tolerance Anti-Design Pattern
Problem
You tolerate behavior in your team members that is not working out well for you.
After a while, you begin to think that it’s you. You are afraid to say something.
You think that maybe you need to learn how to live in the “real world”.
Maybe you can fix it by escalating the problem to a manager.
You then tell yourself a few stories about your tolerance:
This is just the way it is in the real world of work
Other people won’t listen to your version of reality and your suggestions
It’s not you, it’s a problem in another team.
Maybe you don’t really understand the situation properly. Other team members might laugh at you for not being hip.
You’re afraid to look stupid if ask for help to clarify bad behavior with another person on the team
What it looks like
A programmer on the team complains about the work of another developer - “his UI looks like shit, you need 9 clicks to navigate anywhere and he’s using Angular 1.0”.
A sales person makes excuses for not making quotas like “We should upgrade our CRM”.
People complain and use words like - “We should (or shouldn’t)..., We need to…, People think…,This authority says…”
But no one does anything and you just tolerate it.
Solution
Model the behavior you want in others.
No matter how well you speak (even if you give a beautiful speech like Churchill); modeling a role is more powerful than talking about a problem.
It’s even more powerful when other team members are the beneficiaries of your effective action.
This is the best way to lead change in your team.
Key points to consider regarding this anti-design pattern and its solution:
Self-awareness: Recognizing when you are tolerating undesirable behavior or difficult situations is the first step. It's crucial to acknowledge that you have the power to influence change.
Leading through action: Taking proactive steps to model the desired behavior is effective in influencing others. Actions often speak louder than words, and demonstrating the right approach can inspire your team members to do the same.
Communication: While modeling behavior is powerful, open and honest communication is also essential. Encourage discussions within the team about issues and concerns, and be receptive to feedback and suggestions.
Continuous improvement: Recognize that change may not happen overnight, and it's essential to remain committed to the long-term improvement of team dynamics and performance.
On a park bench in Venice CA
Bob was the one who began.
“Mark, I need your help”, he said to the tall, lanky bald man.
“Let’s talk about Alice. Let’s talk about falling in love“.
Mark remained silent as they sat on the park bench.
In front of them there was the green calm of the park.
A man hungry for an answer, must stock up on patience.
A man in possession of analytical skills needs to listen. That is why Mark remained silent.
Mark listened carefully to Bob's story for about 15’.
Mark, “You love this woman?” Bob, “Yes”.
Mark, Let’s use "Toxic Tolerance”.
Be a model for behavior you’d like back from her.
You need to listen to her. She’s a genius in emotional intelligence. Let’s think of a question you can ask her next time you meet without getting too personal”.
No matter how well you talk, modeling a role is more powerful than talking about a problem.
It’s even more powerful when the other person benefits from your effective action.
Take it slowly or risk breaking what you have.
I send this email weekly. If you would also like to receive it, join other smart people who absolutely love Bob and Alice today.
👉 If you enjoy reading this post, feel free to share it with friends! Or feel free to click the ❤️ button on this post so more people can discover anti-design patterns in life, love and tech on Substack 🙏